Human deals with life in their life and struggles
hard to understand that what life means. Life is not already made-up plan, but
one makes his/her life, understands it. When one is born, there are already
formed structures in the present generation carried from the past in changed
form. They have their significance, and these structures try to mold
individual’s life into its own direction. But the course of life is not
unidirectional, there are many direction to the life some hidden and some
making noises. But these dominate structures are the desired one, and they are
comforting and easy going and reflect privilege for some on the others. There
are few people who want to maintain those structures and there are some who
show their resistance to those structures in their own way, sometimes only
invite troubles but they taste life. But those who challenge those structures
by anarchist way or by revolutionary/ rebellion way or by their own screwed way
face the maximum criticism because of their resistance. Sabiha was the later
one
Sabiha, was the one who never looked at the those
comforting ways, leading a dead life, on the dictation of others under the
authority, who enjoyed it. She always reflected to herself that their way of
thinking can’t be her thinking forcefully! She was always in a mood to
understand life on her own terms, and didn’t take for granted anything as it
was given and did not take finally anything. When she was too young to
understand anything, that is when she was 5-6 years old, her parents tried to
send her to the aunt to learn Arabic. She didn’t understand why she and her
friend were sent to the aunt when their brothers were never sent. After school
past lunch, she and her friend used to go to that aunt. She always used to ran
from there, by making an excuse of going for nature's call or getting something
which was never asked from her to get. She didn’t show any interest in reading
those alif bey pey
tey tte sey, as those alphabets didn’t make any sense in her childhood
life. She was not familiar with those symbols of language in a life around
herself. That subject was not taught in her school, that language was not
spoken by her parents and neighbours, her friends and her teachers.
She hadn't read the fonts of Arabic on the walls leading to the
market, or on any billboard or any shops. It was the Hindi or English which was
familiar to her, which she tried to read and understand while peeping out from
the window of a moving dtc bus, which dropped and bring her back to her home, along
with other bus fellows. Finally driving no connection to her real life, she
distanced herself from the language or that language alienated itself from her,
and she lost all interest. And her parents too. But on the other hand her
friend, started reading Arabic very fluently and even reached to the Quran. Her
friend was into the control of the authority, adjusted herself and her
life according to the expectations. It was not that she hadn't resisted, but
her resistance in a unnoticed way didn't make any difference to the
authority. She peeled onion, garlic and made chapattis in the evening and
absorbed the qualities of a good normal and cultural girl very easily. And you
can imagine how was Sabiha like. She was like an athlete and always reached in
the world unknown to her parents and her normal friend. She was more interested
in other things. She walked to the river miles away with friends without
telling her kins. She ran towards the forest, watched the chirping birds, hunt
for the diverse nests and birds hanging from the diverse trees. She ran alone
riding her bicycle, earned through the extensive labour of crying and staying
hungry for days and nights, to inhale evening air, and experiencing flying. She
ran for many things which were not known to anyone except her.
After years, it was heard, that her friend was
married to someone she didn't know; she is living her normal life, with few
children. She didn't realized when her childhood passed, when her adulthood
gone, and leave womanhood. She is running, every day, every minute and every
second in her thoughts in her home in search of fresh air, in search of
heights, in search of life…But she is not reaching anywhere…
Sabiha is also running, still running for
her choices, running for her job, running to buy books, running to meet her
friends, running to reach every corner of the world, running for nights, and
running for freedom, but telling and arguing to her authority, her parents
about her thoughts...
Sometimes her friend, watches her in a silence,
feel a sense of jealousy, a discomfort. She wants to pull Sabiha back. Sabiha
also watches her silently; want to pull her towards freedom. Sabiha wants to
pull her for hers dreams. At the end decision is hers.
