Part Five- "Ek Lotey Ki Aatmkatha"

Kapil Sharma

Phoolsingh ne mujhey apney pass nahi rakha, lagta tha apni badhti hui tond ke anusaar woh policia honey ka kaafi anubhav baator chuka tha, aur jaan gaya tha ki agar dharti par koi khuda hai to oh, wahi hai-wahi hai-wahi hai. Lekin bachpan ki kusangaton ke chaltey hamey aisi kai gandi aadtein lag jati hain, jinhey ham chah kar bhi chuda nahi paatey, phoolsingh ko bhi bachpan se hi mandir jaaney ki aadat thi, aur yeh aadat itni buri thi, ki maan lijiye woh kisi garib aadmi ko maar rahey hon, ya kisi mahila ko ghoor rahey hon, aur raastey me mandir aa jaye to woh mashini taur par mandir ko parnaam karkey aadmi ko peetney ya mahila ko ghurney ke kaam me mashgool ho jaatey they, yani kisi ka yeh vishvas ho ki, bhagwan ka dhyan karney se, ya puja karney se koi burey kaam chod deta hai, to usey apney vishvaas ko dobara check karna chahiye, kyunki desh ke sabse vibhatsa kaam to unhi thano me hotey hain jinke aangan me hanumaan ji ki murti lagi hoti hai, police waaley hanumaan ji ki murti ko parnaam karkey andar jatey hain aur jee bhar ke rape kartey hain, fir baahar aakar hanumaan ji ko sawa rupaye ka prasad chadatey hain.

khair, mei baat kar raha tha phoolsingh ke burey sanskaaron ki, woh apney muhalley ki mandir kamiti ke kuch they, lekin iski vajah yeh nahi thi ki woh khub puja kartey they ya unhey kisi bhagwan vishesh se koi vishesh lagav tha, balki isliye they, kyunki woh police waley they, aur mandir gairkanooni jagah par bana hua tha, mandir ka pandit unhi ke gaon ka rishteydaar tha, aur usney aam prachalan ke mutabik, mandir me hi apney bhatijey ko ek dukan khulva di thi, jaisa ki aapney dekh hi hoga, 100 gaj ke mandir me 20 gaj ki char dukaney hoti hain aur 15 gaj me pandit ki family rahati hai, aki 5 gaj ki jagah me bhagwaan ji, unki wife aur,, bhagwan na karey unka pet ghutney ke bal baita hota hai, aur han unka chota bhai bhi kahin aaju baju khada kar diya jaata hai, agar jagah ho to.

yeh kisi police waley ko mandir ki sabha ka koi adhikari banaana waisa hi hai, jaisey kisi aisey aadmi ko criket committee ka adhyaksh bana dena jisney jeevan me kabhi kroket na khela ho, ya kisi aisey aadmi ko olympic sangh ka adhyaksh bana dena jo kabhi olympic na khela ho, to kul mila kar phoolsingh mandir ki sabha ke 'kuch' they, mandir ki dukaan se unhey kuch samaan prabhu prasaad ke taur par free mil jaata tha, aur woh pandit se badey prasann rahtey the, kul mila kar srishti ka arrengment bahut achcha chal raha tha.

to jab me, yani ki ek bhari lota unkey haath me aa gaya to  unhoney soch liya ki woh kisi 'festival' par mandir ko daan kar dengey, to ghar laaakr unhoney mujhey almaari me band kar diya, (garib bhikari se chini gayi cheez ke daan ki visangati par dyan mat dijiye, duniya ka 98% daan dharm isi khatey me chalta hai, jaisey bil gates duniya ka khun chus kar 100 kharab rupye kamata hai aur umey se 2 arab garibon me baant kar daanveer ka khitab paa jaata hai, TATA ek taraf aadivasiyon par goliyan chalwata hai, auruskey TISS naam ke institute me trible welfare ki zordaar padhai hoti hai, jahan bachchey yeh padhtey hain ki tribles ko 'mainstream me kaisey laya jaye) lijiye me fir bhatak gaya, aap tok diya kijiye, darasal itni baatein bhari hui hain is dil me ki sab nikal dene ka jee chahta hai,

to hum kahan they, haan, phoolsingh ji ne socha ki kisi ek badey festival par mujhey, yani lotey ko mandir me daan karkey mohalley par apni daansheelta ki dhak jamai jayegi. aur jaldi hi woh din bhi aa gaya, pata nahi tyauhaar kya tha, pandit ke shlok padney se to lag raha tha ki koi general tyauhaar hai, waisey bhi pandit kuch 3-4 pet shlok yaad kar letehain hain aur international currency ki tarah har jagah usey hi istemaal kartey rahatey hain, kisi ke paida honey par bhi wahi, marney par bhi wahi, shaadi par bhi wahi, aur baki teej tyauhaar par bhi wahi.........rukiye yaad aaney dijiye...kya tha......haaan, shanti raapa, shanti yehtha, shanti wohtha......etc. par hamey kya duniya aisey hi chalti aayi hai aisey hi chalti rahegi.aap to bas meri aapbiti suniye.

karyakram ke shuru me hi phoolsingh ne woh lota panditji, yani mandir ko daan kar diya, kyunki us mandir ka naam ram mandir nahi tha, balki lngdey pandit waala madir tha, jaisey CP me jo mandir hai woh laksminarayan mandir nahi balki birla mandir ke nam se jaana jaata hai, to mujhey langdey pandit ke mandir ko de diya gaya,

kal tak fakiru mujhmey thuktey they, ab bhagwanji mujmey dhoodh piney lagey, (waqkt bhi kya khel khelta hai, mainey yeh kahawat kahin suni thi, aaj yahan fit kar di, umeed hai theek hogi, kahani kahaney waaley ko kabhi-kabhi aisey hi philosphr ya shayar honey ka pura adhikar hota hai) to mei ab sri ram ji, unki wife sita, brother lakshman, unkey pet monkey ko dhoodh pilaney ka kaam karney laga. issey mujhey koi aapatti nahi thi, aapti mujhey us ling se thi jo mandir kr beechon beech bana hua tha aur mujey us par dhoodh chadhaney ke liye istemaal kiya jaata tha. tum insaano me yahi baat buri hai, arey khud kuch bhi karo, hum bejubaan bartno ko apney gandey kamo me kyun shamil krtey ho, bhai hamey maaf karo, lekin fakiru bhai ke sarvopyog ke baad mandir me aish ki zindgi se yakinan mujhey koi naitik eitraaz nahi tha......

mandir me aish ki zindgi jeetey huey kaafi arsa beet gaya tha, phoolsingh retire hokar apney gaon (shayad phoolpur) wapas jaa chukey they, jabki unkey betey ne yahin business khol rakha tha, aur ab apey pita ki tarah woh mandir ki sabha ka kuch tha. pandit budha ho gaya tha, lekiesha yeh dhyan rakhta tha ki shaam ko mandir band karney se pahaley saara saaman andar rakh de, lekin uska beta utna chaukanna nahi tha, kai baar mujhey saala 100-50 to milta hai, ab isey bechengey to kya milega" "kyunchinta karta hai yaar, kuch to milega" "jo milega usey tu rakh liyo,theek hai, me chala" aur yeh kehkar prince chala gaya.

raat th,i thand thi, aur andhera tha, dhundh thi, mujhey to kya hi dar lagta lekin insaan honey ke naatey mustafa ko thand bhi lag rahi thi aur dar bhi lag raha tha.usney saamney ek maszid dekhi aur jaakar wahin ghus gaya, yun to mazid sunsaan padi thi, lekin garmahat to thi, mustafa ka pet bhara hua tha isliye woh so gaya.

Raat ke kisi samay maulvi sahab ne maszid ka chakkar lagana zaroori samjha hoga, unhoney dekha ki ek bachcha jameen par apni chadar failakar sikuda pada hai, to unhoney usey uthaya aur usey masizid ke andruni aatey me le gaye wahan unhoney usey kambal diya aur achchi tarah sula diya. mustafa mujhey seeney se lagaye so gaya aur subah jab uski aankh khuli to usney dekha ki maulvi miswak kar rhaey rhey, usney socha ki dhirey se chala jaun lekin woh shayad mujhey bhool chuka tha, bedhyani me uska haath mujh par laga, me gira aur dard se karah gaya, maulvi sahab ne mudkar usey dekha to uskey kadam jahan ke tahan atak  gaye.

mulvi sahab ne usey ishara kiya to woh unkey paas xhala gaya wahan maulvi sahab ke kadmo ke paas me pada tha, unhoney jhuk ke mujhey uthaya aur usey paas me jo hauz bana tha uskey pass rakh diya.

fir maulvi sahab ne kulla kiya aur usey aur mujey andar le gaye. andar mujhey to unhoney ek maze par rakh diya aur mustafa ko baithney ke liye mudha diya, thodi der me ek bachcha andar se khana le aaya to maulvi sahab ne usey nashta karney ke liye kaha, jo usney chupchaap kar liya.

mei gaur se dekh raha tha ki itney saalon tak mandir me rahney ke baad meri kismat me ek chor maalik likha hai ya fir mujh butparast lotey ko maszid ke kaam me laya jayega.

Nashta karney ke baad mustafa bahut hi sahaj tarikey se utha, maulvi sahab se izaazat li aur nikal pada, naa usney meri taraf dekha, aur naa hi usney meri taraf haath badhaya, haan maulvi sahab apni rangi hui daadhi par haath fertey huey usey gahri nazron se ghoortey rahey.

To jahir hai mei abmaulvi sahab ke vuzu ka lota ban gaya tha, jaat na pucho lotey ki, bartan se yeh kab pucha jaata hai ki aapki maszid me isteymaal honey se pahaley woh kis mandir me kis kaam ke liye istemaal hota raha tha. Maulvi sahab bahut sakht mijaz insaan they, Maszid ke peechey hi do kamro ke makan me rahtey they, jo maszid ke haatey me hi aatey they, ek biwi thi, aur do bahut hi khubsoorat bachchiyan thi, lekin apni chui-mui si biwi aur bachchion ke liye maulvi sahab purey rakshas they, aisey-waisey nahi sach ke rakshas, unka kahana tha ki unhoney to apni biwi se ladkey ki ichcha ki thi, lekin usney unhey ladkiyan di, ab yeh khuda ki galti to ho nahi sakti, jahir hai yeh unki biwi ki galti thi, to woh bechari jab tab apni galti ki saza bhugat-ti rahati thi, aur dono bachchiyan aisi sahami hui ghar ke kisi kauney me padi rahati thi ki lagta hni nahi tha ki ghar par koi bachcha rahata hoga.

malvi sahab apni biwi se itna naaraz they ki unhoney ghar se sirf khaney kaa naata rakha hua tha, apni baaki jarooratein woh bahar se hi puri kar liya kartey they, unka din namaaz ki azaan se shuru hota tha aur namaaz ki azaa pe hi khatam ho jaata tha, beech me kuch bachchon ko kuran padhaney bhi jaatey they lekin wahan me unkey saath nahi jaata tha.

isi tarah samay beet-ta gaya aur me din-b-din muslim lota banta gaya, subah ki namaaz ki azaan se pahaley hi meri neend khul jaati thi, aur me vuzu ka intzaar karta tha.

lekin itney saalon me mujhey kabhi us hauz ke paas se nahi hataya gaya jisme se vuju ka paani liya jaata hai.

Maulvi sahab ki bachchiyan badi ho gayi thin, lekin apney baap se bahut darti thi, jahan unhey malvi sahab dikhey woh chup jaati thi, khauf ka aalam yeh tha ki jab maulvi sahab ghar par hotey they to ghar pe bilkul marghat ka sannata chaya rahta tha.

maszid do manzila thi aur uski chat par ek kamra tha, Maulvi sahab ki bachchion ne kuran toh padh li thi, lekin woh unhwy kuch aur hi padha rahey they, kyunki nka koi nishchit time nahi tha, aur woh apni badi bachchi ko padhaney me zyada dilchaspi lete they.

fir ek din gajab ho gaya, unki badi beti ne subah-subah ultian karni shuru kar di, maulvi sahab bahar gaye huey they, maszid me kuch taamir ka kaam chal raha tha, isliye mohalley ke kuch log wahin they, unhoney bachchi ki kharab haalat dekhi to usey paas hi doctor ke paas le gaye, aur jaaney doctor ne kya kah diya ki purey mohalley me ek daba sa shor mach gaya. Is dabey huye shor me se kabhi-kabhi kuch lafz bahar kud jaatey they, jinmey 'bachchi, maulvi, pet' khas they. khair muhalley walon ne maulvi ko usi raat maszid se utha diya, uska samman pack kar diya gaya, aur doosrey din se maszid me naya muazzin azaan de raha tha, is purey wakaye me us bachchi ka kya hua mujhey nahi pata,ek bar do logon ki udti-udti baatcheet kaan me padi thi ki, woh bachchi bachcha girwati hui table par hi mar gayi, aur us par kisi shaitan ka saaya tha jiski wajah se maulvi ne uskey saath yeh harkat ki, mainey us masoom bachchii ko karib se dekha tha, mera dil nahi chahta tha ki uskey saath kuch is tarah ka ho, isliye mainey us baatcheet par bharosa nahi kiya, aapsey bhiyahi kahunga ki suni sunai baaton pe bharosa nahi karna chahiye.

lekin maszid me jo jo naye maulvi aaye they,woh bahut mazeydaar they, unhey lagbhaghar heez me hinduon ki islaam ko nestnabood karney ki saajish nazar aati thi. woh ek hi saans me yeh kahatey they ki islaam to dharati par hamesha ke liye rahaney wala dharm hai aur agar hamney kuch nahi kiya aur hindun ki sazish ko nahi roka to islaam khatam ho jayega. kamaal ke bandey they, raat me achanak chaunk kar charpai se uchal kar uth-tey they aur kuch kalpnik chuhon ko maar kar hi sotey they.

dopahar ko mohalley bhar ke shodon ko jama karkey islaam par aaye huey khatarey ki baatein kartey they, aur logon ko yeh bataney se nahi chooktey they ki islaam ki sachchi rah kya hai. jaisey agar kisi ne laal rang ki kamiz pahan rakhi hai to woh fauran kah dete they ki laal rang ki toh islaam me mumaniyat hai, unhey yeh yakin tha ki islaam ki sachchi jaankaari unhi ko  thi, aur baaki jitney log hain woh islaam ko nahi jaantey, yah kuran me likhey goodh shabdon ka sahi matlab sirf unki samajh me aaya hai, baaki sab jahil hain jo uska sahi matlab nahi samajh paye hain. kahin likha tha ki agar kisi surakh me se bhi koi burai hoti dekho to usey roko, ab maulvi sahab ne wo pakad liya tha, sawaal yeh tha ki burai aap kisey kahengey, koi rishwat le raha hai to bura hai, yakinan bura hai, lekin rikshey waala aapko bus stand se maszid tak laaya ahi aur aap ussey 2 rupaye ke liye jhagad rahey hain yeh bura nahin hai. maulvi sahab ke hisab se jo bhi baat unki marzi ke khilaaf hoti thi, woh  islaam ke khilaaf hai, aur aisi hi baatein, aur me koney me baitha hua unki baatein sun kar muskurata rahata tha, kaafi dino tak aisa hi chalta raha.......

Eisey hi zindgi chal rahi thi, aur din beet rahey they, aisey mey mainey ek aadat bana li thi ki jab mujhey munder par rakha jaata tha to mei thoda sa ludhak kar aaram ki posotion me aa jaata tha, pahaley to maulvi sahab ne koshish ki ki mujhey jabardasti theek hi khada kiya jaye, lekin meiney bhi thaan liya tha ki, aaram se hi naithunga, isliye jaisey hi unka dhyan hat-ta tha mei fir aaram wali position me aa jata tha. Unhoney bahut koshish ki, ki mei theek ho jaun, lekin yahan bhi apni zid ke paccey they.

Maulvi sahab ka gussa unki umar ke saath-saath badhta jaa raha tha, pata nahi yeh is baat ka gussa tha ki log unkey baataye huey islamic raastey par nahi chal rahey they, ya is bat ka gussa tha ki islam utna tezi e nahi fail raha tha jitna tezi se usey failna chahiye tha. jo bhi ho unka gussa bahut khatarnaak ho gaya tha, yahan tak ki mujhey to unki azaano me bhi wahi gussa sunai deta tha, ho sakta hai logon ko aisa na lagta ho. Kul milakar aisa lagta tha ki yeh gussa kisi bhi din fat sakta hai, shukra tha ki ab tak woh visfot ab tak nahi hua tha.

Maulvi sahab ki haalat din-b-din bigadti jaa rahi thi, woh raat ko uth kar kuch na kuch padtey rahtey they. kuch to ggadbad tha, par me insaano jitna anubhavi nahi tha aur isiliye mujhey yeh bhi nahi pata tha ki insaano ka normal vyvhaar kya hota hai, ya insaano ke vyvhaar me normal naam ki bh i koi cheez ho sakti hai, kyunki ab tak me jitney logon ke paas ghuma tha unmey se koi bhi do log ek jaisey nahi thry, ek com. naseer aur unkey dost achchey lagey they to unhey police ne maar giraya tha. ho sakta hai maulvi sahab normal hon aur mujhey abnormal lag rahey hon. (aap soch rahey hongey yeh lota itni english kaisey bolney laga, woh kya hua na ki, me kuch samay ek english ke porfessor ke yahan bhi raha tha, jo naatak bhi karvatey they.) to maulvi sahab ke saath samay aisey hi kat raha tha aur woh din-b-din aur ajeeb hotey jaa rahey they, ek din vuzu kartey-kartey janey kya soch kar mujhey utha ke fenk maara. khamkha, apni frustration mujhpey utaari.

Mai to bhai unsey katai pareshan ho chuka tha. kabhi man me aata to zor-zor se ajeeb aawajein nikalney lagtey they, kabhi chup ho jaatey they to teen-teen din tak bilkul chup rahatey they, aur haan biwi thi nahi, to koi khana bana ke dene waala bhi nahi tha, to kai baar bina khaana khaye hi rahatey they. sukh kar lakdi sareekhey ho gaye they.

fir ek din yeh bum bhi phat hi gaya, aur musibat yeh ki yeh bum mujhi par fata. hua kuch yun ki unhoney vuzu karkey mujhey munder par tikaya to mey apni aadat se mazboor sarak kar ek taraf ko ludhak gaya. Unhoney fir mujhey seedha rakha aur me fir luhak gaya, unhoney teen-char bar koshish ki, lekin mei bhi jiddi ho gaya tha, (jo merey jitni zindgi dekh ley uska ziddi ho jaana koi aschrya ki baat nahi hai) lekin mujhey kya pata tha ki ye zid mujh par itni bhari gujregi, unhoney to ajeeb ajeeb aawazein nikalni shuru kar di, aur mere upar funk marney lagey. jab unki cheekhein badhney lagi (aur shaayad azaan ka time niklney par bhni azaan na honey par) kuch log aaye to unhoney yeh ajeeb manzar dekha, ki maulvi sahab dojanu baithey hain aur unkey saamney mei ludhka pada hun, aur woh dam le-le ke mujh par funk maar rahey hain, aur arbi ya farsi me kuch mantra padh rahey hain. logon ne unhey sambhala to unhoney cheekhna shuru kiya ki is lotey me shaitan basa hua hai aur isey to woh maszid se bahar nikal kar hi manegey. us din bada tamasha hua, maulvi sahab kisi ki pakad me hi nahi aa rahey they, aakhirkar ambulance bulakar unhey bhej diya gaya, lekin uskey baad mera bhi bahut bura haal hua. naa to log mujhey maszid me rakhney ko taiyyar nahi they, aur na hi koi mujhey apney ghar me rakhney ko taiyyar nahi tha, irony dekhiye, log maulvi ko pagal samajh rahey they lekin unhoney jisey shaitan bata diya tha, usey koi rakney ko taiyyar nahi tha. to mujhey kisi achoot ki tarah do dandiyon ke saharey utha kar bahar eakh diya gaya aur fir log mujhey hikaarat se dekhtey huey jaaney lagey.

ab mera koi maalik nahi tha, mei akela tha, fir achanak ek jawaan ladkey ne mujhey uthaya aur mujhey lekar apney college chala gaya, jahan kuch lig jutey huey kuch natak kar rahey they.

To be continued in Part Six....